Boring

I can’t help but feel daunted by the next few weeks of school holidays. With Dad back at work and the grandparents overseas, I feel I am flying very solo in the main parenting role.

At two and a half Little Miss is relatively easy, amusements are simple, brother B is her idol that she follows everywhere, and she does and plays as he does. But the boy himself is another story. After the last few action packed weeks away his expectations are high. Every day he wants something to be planned and organised.

"What are we doing today?" He inquires first thing over breakfast cereal.
"Nothing, staying home" I reply.

I am eager to get back into a normalish routine. After living out of suitcases and being relaxed about the “routine” I need to get a grip on this parenting life again. And after being away, I really want to stay home. The washing is at crisis point (Little Miss sported a pajama top the other day, then had to wear B's huge pajamas to bed) plus the housework sadly beckons.

I am liking that little Miss is having a regular daily one and a half hour sleep after lunch. The better she sleeps during the day the better she sleeps at night. Plus I am making sure I use this time to spend one on one with B, but part of me wants him to get bored. I want him to use his own imagination and be inventive. I think it is important for him to not be entertained with activities all the time. He needs to learn to find his own way, to make up his own games, to use his brain, to be active in his own entertainment and not just a passive audience in someone else’s ideas.

Given some time with the TV off, B rediscovered old forgotten toys, an obstacle course is made for his bike, drawings are done and he wants to make biscuits. We do this together, he eats way too much icing.

I am telling myself it’s ok for him to get bored, he has to learn that life is what you make it.

Food face #4

Big nose food face made from, carrot, capsicum, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, corn on the cob, baby spinach leaves, rice and steak.

Good stuff

A conversation that happened on holidays that was far too good not to mention.

The scene:
We are driving in the car from Launceston to Hobart in Tasmania. Tasmania is blessed with lots of wildlife, so unfortunately lots ends up killed on the roads. As we pass a large kangaroo in the middle of the road.

B asks, "What was that?"
"A kangaroo that has been hit by a car" I state matter of factly.
"Why isn’t anyone stopping to help it?" B inquires with a worried tone
"Because it is dead, its probably been there a while."
"But shouldn’t someone help it?" His compassion is beautiful
"It can be too dangerous to stop on a main road."
"That’s not very nice. It needs our help."
"There are people who help injured wild life as lots of animals get hit by cars on roads."
"People should stop for them." B remarks
"It's not that easy it can be very dangerous to stop. A driver may have to choose between crashing into another car with people and children in it or hit the animal. It all happens very fast."
"The animals shouldn’t cross roads. There should be fences all along the roads to stop them." B's brain is ticking away with ideas to solve the problem.
"The road makers can't build fences as that would cost too much, and the animals might need to get across to the other side." (What else could I say?)
"Everyone should build fences all along the road, not just the road makers." B believes in his community.
"But then some people might build really bad fences that might be dangerous and fall down, where some others will make great fences, it would all be different. And then the animals couldn’t cross the road at all." I feel like a pessimist with that statement.
"Even dogs?" B has had an idea that a dog would be good for us
"Yes," I state, "All animals would be stuck either side of the road."
"Can we get a dog?"
"When you are old enough to help me look after it. A dog needs to be walked everyday. You would need to feed it as well. Do you feed your fish everyday?" I try to remind him of responsiblity.
"No, you do though." He remembers
"Exactly, and a dog also does poos that are large and smelly and need to be picked up and put in a plastic bag then put in the bin.Would you want to do that?"
"No, but that’s just like my sister."
"Yes, exactly." We laugh at the accurate comparison he recognises between his sister's nappies and a dog's business.

Great Roo photo from here

Christmas Holiday

Holidays with kids aren’t real holidays. Not like holidays where you get to relax and unwind and think about yourself and your wants. No, holidays with kids are just about transferring the work to another location. A location you might not have any control over.


At best holidays with kids can be fun and adventurous and at worst this can be a nightmare of no one’s needs being met. Meeting up with B and Little Miss’s twin boy cousins and their parents at Nana’s house was the plan. The kids were all in hyper drive with the excitement of it all. It was a shock for the hosts and they kept their brave faces on as best they could. Routines went out the window as sleep only happened when everyone crashed from sheer exhaustion.

The courageous hosts made a few little comments about the washing machine getting a work out with at least two loads a day (the record was 5) and the dishwasher ran twice a day, but there was enough plates, chairs and beds for us all. Parenting styles conflicted and children stated, “But that’s not fair,” and asked “Why?” and “Why?” and “Why?” again. Eating was an issue for one whereas sleep was for another, one went to bed really late, where as one woke up with the birds. Discipline took on different forms. But the children were having the time of their lives and loving every minute.

Nana’s usual Christmas routine was completely shot, she usually gets to enjoy the labours of another, but this year she and her husband hosted a Christmas Eve dinner for 8 children under 6 and 9 adults. It wasn’t surprising that she announced, “I don’t do cooking on Christmas day”. Instead we ate left-overs for lunch then took the whirl wind of us to the beach. The beach was relaxing, allowing us to spread, seek solitude, walk, create, explore and swim. The beach all to ourselves, we were all happy there.

Like Weddings, Christmas holidays bring the best and the worst out in us.

There was;
Happy hellos, brotherly conflict, a meeting of minds, hidden adult tears, hysterical laughter, children’s tantrums, pure childish play, amazing wild life, too much food, someone who drank too much, inspiring conduct, embarrassing behaviour, a broken lamp, clever workshop creations, an electric conversation, an iron that blew up, a very messy floor, an unwrapping present fenzy, beautiful fresh morning raspberries and sad good-byes.

A really happy Christmas.

Ready to go

We have shopped, wrapped and packed, so are off on holiday.

The Chapter Forty household is visiting family interstate for Christmas. The kids are so excited. B has made several calendars to count down the days and sleeps till we leave. B has packed and repacked his suitcase everyday and his carry on bag is waiting by the front door, ready to leave. Little Miss asks just about every hour, “Going on pink plane now?" (Everything must be pink at the moment) I don’t know what I’ll say when she see the white plane. Pink sunglasses might help. The expectation of fun is in the air. So we are primed and ready for a family adventure.

Out will go the sleep routine, out will go the good eating habits. In will come Daddy full time ("Yeah" hear us say) and in will come a Mummy answering yes a lot.

Can we go to a park? Yes
Can I have an ice-cream? Yes
Can we have pancakes for breakfast? Yes
Can I buy this thing? Yes
Can you play with me? Yes
Can I look at that? Yes
Can we have dinner at a restaurant? Yes

Well why not, isn’t that what holidays are for?


I will be back in the New Year to let you know how it all went...

Food face #3

Little Miss's happy dinner the other night got smiles all round. She’s a great eater and gobbled up the bread, cucumber, corn, carrot, red capsicum, broccoli, beans, and chicken schnitzel, in that order. Mayonnaise was also added to help it all go down.

Christmas thrills

To my dearest B,

You have been a very good little boy this year. There have been a couple of moments when I was worried, but you have got it together and done very well. Your reading, maths and writing impresses me greatly and your art work is simply outstanding. Your school report was excellent. Well done. I am so proud of you.

Since your operation you really have changed. (Was it all that ice-cream and jelly you ate?) It must be better now to hear what we are saying to you. Your teacher tells me she only has to say something once, and you do it. At night time you sleep silently and deeply. One morning this week when it was raining outside you said to me "Oh Mum I've had a beautiful sleep"... then you added," I love the music of the rain." Well put little man, there's nothing like lying in bed listening to the rain on the roof. It's so cool you appreciate things like that.

Your kindness and love for your sister is just amazing. You both might squabble over a toy, who gets to lay in the middle, whose story is first, or who has the most food, but you show Little Miss so much tenderness. I love to see you caring for her. "I want my Blakey." she often states and I know exactly how she feels.

You are extremely excited about Christmas. This year we are seeing your cousins, Uncle, Aunty and Nana. You can't wait to see them all. It's a nice surprise that you have not been at all concerned about what you are getting for Christmas, you seem to be so excited by all the fun stuff we have planned. "Too much fun," was your comment when I listed off the weeks of activities we have organised.

Seeing your face light up when Dad bought home some Christmas lights was priceless. When you nodded to Santa as he spoke to you with your very own special Christmas message over the computer, I beamed. With your excitement and pure passion you make Christmas come alive for us.

Thank you

Love from Mummy always.

PS Santa has a very worthwhile and special Christmas message tailored to anyone here

Solitary shop

Dear Solitary shopper,

While you enjoy the solitude of entering the shopping centre alone. Please spare a thought for us mothers of small children.

We do not need your looks of disapproval nor do we need your helpful rude parenting tips.

Shopping with a small child or children is very similar to the experience of unleashing hungry goats in a fruit and veg shop. It’s not going to be pretty.

I have a few rules that I abide to when going about my hunter gathering at the local supermarket.

1.    I think of this exercise as a challenge to rise too.

2.    I ensure small children are well fed prior to leaving home or have something to eat or drink from home. If I have to, I pick up something they can eat in store, strawberries or cheesy mite scrolls are good. (But its not very nice purchasing an empty package at the checkout though) Alternatively shop on food demonstration days.

3.    I use bribery, I have often said “if you are good in the supermarket you can have a treat afterwards” But the treat is only available outside the supermarket, like looking in the toy shop or getting a bubbachinno. You also have to follow through with this and not give treats if they muck up.

4.    I try to take a shopping list and remember it, not leave it in the car or loose it in my handbag and I try to only purchase what’s on it so I can…

5.    Move the trolley as fast as possible to make the shopping trip as short as possible.

6.    I don’t have any eye contact with Grannies, other mothers or lonely looking people; they only slow me down.

7.    I do allow children to sit inside the trolley. Let’s admit it, the ride is fun and it contains them in one place.

8.    I do make car and horn noises or sing the “wheels on the bus” song if necessary.

9.    I do involve the children and get them to choose, count, select, load and unpack.

10.    I try to have some come-backs to uninvited comments/parenting tips memorised. To the solitary middle aged woman who gave me looks with daggers as my 5 year old ran down the escalator then back up the wrong way a few times. I say “What are you?  The fun police.” To the solitary young man who told me to “Take a chill pill Mum.” I reply “Didn’t your mother teach you manners?”
Other responses could have been, “Get your own life – I don’t need you in mine.”
“Thanks for your advice, actually I was thinking that your shoes don’t go with that top.”
“It’s ok, today they are medicated.”
“Actually, these aren’t my kids, I am not their mother.”

Solitary shopper next time you are drawn into the performance of a child in the supermarket. Keep your mouth shut, eyes averted and focus on your own freakin shopping.

With love

a Mother.

Dancing Girl

Dear Little Miss,

This term you have started going to Theatre Bugs. A dancing, imagining and singing thing. The teacher is in a tutu and it is similar to 'Play School' alive, with tulle. You love it. You love the singing, you love the movement, you love the music and you love props. The mystery box, the magic carpet, the wiggly woos and the fairy wings are lapped up and devoured.

It is so wonderful to be taking you to something just for you. As a second child you have had to watch on the side lines for too long. B has had all the fun. I have fed you all manner of junk to keep you happy during B's swimming lessons and battled with you to contain you in the straps of the pram, for you safety and my sanity. But now, at last it is your turn.

It is like you are finally free, in an environment so suitable to you and what you love. At last I get to see your face light up, watch you concentrate, interact and assert yourself.

You dance and sing, you know the words to songs already. You have quickly picked up the hand movements and actions. You are the star of the class, in my eyes.

Theatre bugs has become the highlight of the week. Not only do you get to sing and dance with your peers and a real life fairy teacher, but your Mummy gets to as well.

But let’s not forget the bonus of the Bug’s cafe that we go to afterwards. I have my skinny latte you a bubbachinno and a play in the kid’s corner. I love going to cafés with you.

These real life tea parties are one of the best things about having a daughter. I hope we will always share these little moments of life together over a hot brew.

What a star you are in my life.

Love always Mummy

xxx

Food face #2

Prepare to get sick of these. But the kids never tire and nor does their creator. Big and little food faces are made from sausage, capsicum, cheese, cucumber, cherry tomato, lettuce, and mayonaise.

Operation

My precious B,

You have battled with multiple ear infections, sleep apnoea, caused by kissing tonsils and hearing loss. So we finally took the specialist’s advice and agreed to have your adenoids and tonsils taken out, plus grommets put in. This was a hard and harrowing decision. It took us years.

It is now day 4 after the operation.

I have cried with you and your pain. I have felt enormous guilt over what we have done to you. I wanted to be sick when I left you in the operating theatre. Your fingers had to be pulled away from mine. Leaving you alone, your life in the hands of strangers, my child, vulnerable and unconscious. I felt empty and at a loss. My heart has been broken by your silent suffering. You won’t eat, won’t drink and fight the medications. You are silent with pain.

However I have also felt relieved for your future. You can hear me know, your sleep is deep. You have made me astounded by your bravery, proud of your strength.  I have loved saying yes to you, giving you ice-cream for breakfast and jelly whenever you want it. To indulge you has become my relief.

In days you will be back to your normal tricks. And I can’t wait. This journey with you has shown me a remarkable side to you, it only makes me love you more.

Always my little man

Love Mummy xxx

Image is a self portrait by B. 

Food face #1

I have to find ways of making meals more interesting for my kids and for me to put together. This food face is made from carrot, cheese, snow pea sprouts, snow pea, cucumber, steak, corn on the cob, asparagus and  bread.

Big boy little bugs

Dearest B,

What on earth is going on? You have developed a major fear of bugs. I am having a lot of trouble sympathising with this fear. I know it doesn’t help the situation that the warm weather has meant ants have moved into the kitchen. And it also probably doesn’t help that there are multiple varieties of ant to contend with. We have the regular black ant, searching relentlessly over kitchen surfaces for any sweet abandoned crumb.  Plus we also have little native sugar ants that immediately gather on the dining room floor around a morsel of dropped food. We are alerted to their presence by the brown mass that gathers about the morsel to feast. They really are tiny little beings that are not interested at all in your toes. In the garden we have inch ants, that really are better to avoid, but just want to go about their own business.

We keep the bathroom light on at night so we also have a few moths gathering there. I know that something happened a long time ago at child care between you and a moth.  I never really got to the bottom of that story, so I suppose I can find a bit of sympathy for you. But flies, my dear child, flies are here to stay, this is Australia. I know they are dirty, but seriously what do you think a fly is going to do to you? You had better get used to them. Learn the ‘Shoo fly’ song and do the Aussie salute (wave your hand about) to move the flies on.

We have tried to personalise the large huntsmen spiders that house share with us by calling them Gavin, and I do totally understand that they are a little creepy. I was also totally freaked out by that black spider that was on Little Miss’s head the other day. It was met a swift brush to the floor from my hand and a loud stomp from my shoe. But you have to admit it was very funny that she thought the spider was her friend. (Charlie and Lola have got a lot of explaining to do.)

 





But what I really don’t understand is that yesterday you were happily following a big bluetongue lizard about your school playground. Surely that is more frightening than some small insects?

Were you fearless with the lizard because you were with your play mates? Whereas your insect encounters see you alone and vulnerable, doing your business in the bathroom, engrossed while drawing at the dinning room table, eating alone at the kitchen bench.

I am at a loss on how to get you through this time, all I keep saying is to look at the size of you compared to the size of the bug. You do have an advantage. It might be time to face some fears and learn to live with some insects, as your little fears are really starting to bug me.

Love from Mummy

xxx

Praise

Jekyll and Hyde girl

Dear Little Miss,

Now you are 2 your personality is really starting to take shape as you assert yourself around the house. You are a wonderful mother's little helper as I have noticed things being tidied away. The toothbrushes that are brought out to the living room most mornings to get the teeth clean (as that’s easier than getting the teeth to the bathroom) are neatly placed back by the sink. I have had to do a double take, thinking how did they get there? The shoes that get thrown off at the end of the day, are neatly lined up along the wall.

You like nothing better than putting the right DVD back in its case and putting it in the draw where they all belong. You have taken it upon yourself to unpack B’s lunch box after school and return the freezie block to the freezer, rubbish to the bin and lunchbox into the kitchen sink. What a helper you are to have around the house.

However there is another side to your personality that we are getting to know that does concern me. Thankfully this side only shows itself occasionally. Let me introduce the NO side, as your answer to every question I ask you is NO. 

Little Miss its breakfast time.
No

Do you want some toast?
No

Do you want a crumpet?
No

Do you want a banana?
No

Do you want some rock melon?
No

Do you want some strawberries?
No

And then because I want to test you I ask,
Do you want some chocolate?
No

Oh really?? I think, so this isn’t about food, this is about you having some control over your little life, because then you say

Chocolate….

A variation on the No theme is I’m not.

Little Miss eat your breakfast
I’m not.

Little Miss don’t take the washing off the line please
I’m not.

We also hear, I’ll do it
Lets put your shoes on
I’ll do it

Let’s brush your teeth
I’ll do it

Lets get you ready for the bath
I’ll do it

It is amazing to watch you learn your own mind, as well as test the minds of those around you.

I love every side of you.

From Mummy

xxx

Zombie Chicken Award

Wow! How flattering that a fellow blogger would brave a pack of zombie chickens to read this blog. Thank you so much 40notout, I feel honoured.













“The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all.”


Just so the zombies don't get me I pass this award onto-

Old egg 
For your amazing words, I am really proud of you.

Blakeseven 
Because you are so talented and creative, are we related?

Peggy
You always have something amazing, wise and inspiring to say.

Wrightstuff
The volume of work you produce is awesome.

HybridJ
To let you know we are thinking of you.

Bubbles

I confess, I really look forward to the kids bath time. It marks the beginning of the close of the day for this weary mother. The grime and grot of the day is washed away along with any unpleasantness experienced during the day. The bath tends to change the mood of everyone. Negative ions in the air from the H2O? Maybe, if that's true

I am lucky that B and Little Miss have always loved baths. It will gross them out later in life to know that myself or their Dad often climbs into the tub too. I remember with a big smile on my face the times B and I had regular night time baths when I was heavily pregnant with Little Miss. The bath was just the best place for my achey uncomfortable cumbersome body. B loved to play with various boats, ducks and other floating objects that took refuge on the big baby island.

Speaking of floating objects I have to mention some really disturbing incidences we have had to deal with as parents. And I know that most parents out there would have some experiences that are similar. Recently B got into a nice warm bath only to exclaim, "There's POO in the bath and it isn't mine." 

Sadly for B there was no one else in the bath to take responsibility for the tiny pieces of poo floating around. A lesson for B learnt on the benefits of wiping your bottom properly.

Little Miss is also guilty of pooing during wash time, only her natural accident happened while showering with B. The smell had them out of there in record time. But not until the poo was properly examined and poked. 

At least no one has even eaten poo in this house (as far as I know) yet.

Apologies children, for the embarrassment I  may cause you when you can read this. Hopefully one day you will understand and forgive me.

Growing up

 
Little children are completely loyal to their parents.

To become an adult I have gone through a period of rejecting my parents, feeling disgruntled with them, confronting them, forgiving them for being human and not the superhuman parents of that childhood, to getting to know them again as people, to absolutely loving them as amazing friends I really need in my life.

It’s been a circle of change and growth. Of my growing up. Ending back at a similar point we left off, but much better.

It wasn’t easy and it hurt.

At some point we have to let go and fledge the nest. If we want to be (and raise) confident capable people shouldn't we embrace this act of growing up? Traditional tribes, religious and indigenous peoples have held onto long traditions of initiation into adulthood. For good reasons.

A ceremony to mark the change from child to adult ensures the person is valued as part of its family and wider community. It helps build the confidence of the child, as they have to pass the initiation test in whatever form it is. A ceremony can be looked forward to, planned, talked about, it becomes a landmark in the child's life, bringing together the family in a common goal and focus. 

The Indigenous Australians have many ceremonies including the Mandiwala initiation for boys. The Orthodox Jews have Bar Mitzvah for boys and Bat Mitzvahs for girls. Practicing Christians have Baptism or Confirmation. Many African tribes initiate their young into adulthood by circumcising them.

But for us we don’t practice a religion or have cultural traditions. So I intend to introduce an initiation ceremony into adulthood for my children. I want them to know they are really valued, that it’s a special time in their lives. I want to foster their self confidence so they go forward in life knowing they are capable people.

We had a little practice run last summer.

In the summer school holidays before B started school we thought he should go through a little ceremony to turn into a big school boy, and not a little kid anymore. We pitched a two man tent in the garden and said that to be a real big boy he needed to sleep out in the tent all night. (Dad would join him later) He would have to go to sleep by himself out there. The tent was pitched less than 3 metres from the door to the house. He was excited and very keen to help make up the tent. We made his bed and put some favourite toys in there too. We also made up Daddy's bed in there so he would be reassured that Dad was coming later.

He loved it. Of course there were a few anxious moments after story time, and he came inside a few times to get a drink, an apple and another cuddle, but I am very proud to say he did it. There is nothing like seeing your child be proud of themselves. Well done B you are an amazing big school boy.

I don’t know what we will do to mark the teen hood and adulthood of our children. Some might argue the traditions we have in place like getting a drivers license, completing year 12/HSC, starting your first job or moving out of home could mark this coming of age and they do.

However, I wish to do more than that and mark growing up with a special celebration and ceremony. I would like the ceremony to involve their community in some way, with special roles for special people in their lives. But I am not sure what. I would like to start talking to them about it soon, to build it up.

Any ideas or suggestions would be welcomed - any amusing ones?

Forced Spring Clean

I'm not sure what we've done. I know it’s not really bad in the big BIG scheme of things. But for whatever reason, (karma perhaps) this household has been forced into a spring clean.

1- The dead rat smell in the living room is now unbearable. It's not coming from the couch, we took it apart last night, cleaned out the crumbs, gave it a good wipe over then even went so far as to rip off the lining underneath to inspect inside. Found nothing, except how a couch is made. The pong is also not coming from the rug, it was covered in bi carbonate of soda and moved into another room. The smell isn't from a spill on the floor, its been thoroughly mopped. Twice. The offensive odor is not from the kids play kitchen. All the plastic play food has been washed in the dishwasher and wooden things by hand. The little oven, dishwasher, fridge and hotplates have also had a once over with disinfectant. Many empty play food boxes have been binned. The smell isn’t coming from a cavity wall. A wall panel has been carefully removed and inspected. The smell might be coming from under the deck. OH BUM... 

But that’s not all... 

2- We woke up this morning to find water dripping from a light fitting in the living room. Removing the light fitting and shinning a torch into the ceiling revealed the water source. A box gutter - probably. It rained and dripped into a plastic bucket all day. D got home from a day in the office to clear out the gutters. Will this solve the leak? Only the rain will help us find that out.

3- In the last two days I have broken three items into tiny pieces. It has been months since anything has hit the floor in this house. I broke a glass, no real big deal there. A lime green bowl, annoying as its a set of four but thats life, and a huge black floor vase. OK that sucks. My eyes are fine and I am not on any medication.   

Out came the dust pan and brush yet again.

Supermarket

Dear Little Miss, 

It would seem you are ready to embrace a task people all over the world grapple with, the weekly (or if we are really honest) twice weekly visit to the supermarket. You love it, relish it even, and want it. As you are strapped into your car seat you often raise the question, “Supermarket?" Sadly my answer is all too often, "Yes".

And why wouldn't you like it? Happily you ride the crazy trolley-coaster, bumping and swinging around. Your are fed all kinds of made to measure exotic treats, smiling meat slices, cubes of cheese, mini toasts, and little cups of yogurt.  

A kaleidoscope of colour rushes past, you spot the teaser toys hanging just at the right height for you to touch and exclaim, "I want that."

Old ladies "Goo and Gaa" at you, even old men have pulled faces and tried to win your attention. But it seems the real attraction is the other babies on parade. Toddlers your own size are starred at and assessed. "Baby" you exclaim as another 2 year old trundles past. You both stare at each other and weigh up your spoils. 

Us mothers sigh and search for the fun of it all. Smiles of acknowledgement are passed between us. The choice overwhelms us, the tediousness of hunting down prepackage goodness, collecting up the same foods every week. I try a new supermarket in a neighbouring suburb "just for fun." We go to farmers markets, experience freshness and shop by my conscious.

I am glad you are happy to venture into the world of the Supermarket my little Miss. I am learning to love the art of it too.

Love always from Mummy
xxx