Growing up

 
Little children are completely loyal to their parents.

To become an adult I have gone through a period of rejecting my parents, feeling disgruntled with them, confronting them, forgiving them for being human and not the superhuman parents of that childhood, to getting to know them again as people, to absolutely loving them as amazing friends I really need in my life.

It’s been a circle of change and growth. Of my growing up. Ending back at a similar point we left off, but much better.

It wasn’t easy and it hurt.

At some point we have to let go and fledge the nest. If we want to be (and raise) confident capable people shouldn't we embrace this act of growing up? Traditional tribes, religious and indigenous peoples have held onto long traditions of initiation into adulthood. For good reasons.

A ceremony to mark the change from child to adult ensures the person is valued as part of its family and wider community. It helps build the confidence of the child, as they have to pass the initiation test in whatever form it is. A ceremony can be looked forward to, planned, talked about, it becomes a landmark in the child's life, bringing together the family in a common goal and focus. 

The Indigenous Australians have many ceremonies including the Mandiwala initiation for boys. The Orthodox Jews have Bar Mitzvah for boys and Bat Mitzvahs for girls. Practicing Christians have Baptism or Confirmation. Many African tribes initiate their young into adulthood by circumcising them.

But for us we don’t practice a religion or have cultural traditions. So I intend to introduce an initiation ceremony into adulthood for my children. I want them to know they are really valued, that it’s a special time in their lives. I want to foster their self confidence so they go forward in life knowing they are capable people.

We had a little practice run last summer.

In the summer school holidays before B started school we thought he should go through a little ceremony to turn into a big school boy, and not a little kid anymore. We pitched a two man tent in the garden and said that to be a real big boy he needed to sleep out in the tent all night. (Dad would join him later) He would have to go to sleep by himself out there. The tent was pitched less than 3 metres from the door to the house. He was excited and very keen to help make up the tent. We made his bed and put some favourite toys in there too. We also made up Daddy's bed in there so he would be reassured that Dad was coming later.

He loved it. Of course there were a few anxious moments after story time, and he came inside a few times to get a drink, an apple and another cuddle, but I am very proud to say he did it. There is nothing like seeing your child be proud of themselves. Well done B you are an amazing big school boy.

I don’t know what we will do to mark the teen hood and adulthood of our children. Some might argue the traditions we have in place like getting a drivers license, completing year 12/HSC, starting your first job or moving out of home could mark this coming of age and they do.

However, I wish to do more than that and mark growing up with a special celebration and ceremony. I would like the ceremony to involve their community in some way, with special roles for special people in their lives. But I am not sure what. I would like to start talking to them about it soon, to build it up.

Any ideas or suggestions would be welcomed - any amusing ones?