Happy 40th Birthday

I celebrated my 40th Birthday by getting married. It was a magical day and I felt like a princess all day long. Of course those of you who are married know that a wedding day only lasts a day, and when you are having a fantastic day, it is simply not long enough. I didn’t want the day to end. It was all as it should be. I felt totally beautiful and in love. Now I am not going to get too sloppy on you. The groom and I have been together for 19 years, we have two children, we have done the hard yards, so to speak. A year of those 19 where spent apart. We knew each other were going to turn up, we know the best and worst of each other.

Why did we wait this long? I am not really sure, it wasn’t because we couldn’t afford it, nor because we didn’t believe in it. We both wanted it, but without religion maybe we needed some other justification since we had basically been living as if we were married for this long. A 40th birthday wedding was just an idea, a cover up for the hard face of getting old. However we are lucky to share the same birth date, so as his 38th and my 40th this wedding was to be a simple birthday celebration.

Still the night before I tossed and turned in bed all night worrying over the smallest detail, panicking about what the kids would do during the ceremony. It was all planned to be simple, relaxed and kid friendly with around a fifth of the guests being children under five.

I wasn’t worried at all up till now, but my heart was racing and my mind ticking over like I was on a huge caffeine hit. I literally got no sleep at all. How long the night really is. I lay listening to our 5 year old son breathing heavily and our 20 month old daughter suck unconsciously on her dummy. I meditated, counted sheep, and tried to deeply relax.

The men of my family who went to the bucks night came home noisily and I thought of my groom, hoping he would be in his bed asleep, and not chained to the jetty naked as they had teased. But I knew he would be fine, the day would be fine, still sleep never washed over me.

Eventually I got the house up, the sun was just rising. I showered before the kids woke up then disturbed my sister, she hadn’t slept either. That made me feel better. She was going to feel as bad as me today. But honestly I found I wasn’t feeling bad, I was so excited, my stomach buzzed, my throat was blocked by a huge lump of anticipation. Weddings are so fun for all the build up and planning. Living in the future as always, I was already worried about what I was going to do afterwards, what would occupy me when the wedding was over?

I didn’t pack appropriate clothing to wear for the wedding preparations of hair and makeup so I put my pyjamas’ on again. This wasn’t pleasant as I had just spent a sweaty sleepless night in them. I sprayed extra perfume on and didn’t worry about it. I was eager to get my hair done, my step niece was doing this task for me. As a 17 year old she did her hair first saying she would be 20 minutes. There was plenty of time. It was only 7am and the wedding was at 11am. So I tired to calm myself and see when my sister in-law would be ready to do my makeup. She took total control and was putting on my foundation within minutes. Yes, it was happening.


My sister had the huge task of flowers. We had done a practise run and made a posy bouquet and button holes before, messing around with florist wire and tape. I knew she would be fine, but she herself didn’t know this and looked panicked, she left my bouquet till last. Our Dad eventually got involved and after two attempts presented me with a beautiful arrangement.

Having my family fuss over me, and totally focus on this event was an amazing experience. It made me feel so damn loved. So lucky, so accepted and needed as part of the family. Belonging and being loved unconditionally by them. My nephew did so much for us, setting up the garden with my brother, being bar man and packing it away again. My brother in law did more than just deliver our son to the groom, he found the missing socks eventually after various trips between the houses, helped get him dressed and reassured the groom of his nerves. Everyone it seemed did something, delivered chairs, videoed the ceremony, travelled from afar, made cup cakes, make-up, flowers, hair, took photos, carried presents, toasted our health, retrieved wine, took care of the kids, played music, gave us drinks. Its an amazing experience to have everyone you love focus on you as a couple. It should have been enough to just have spoken out privately about our love for each other, but it was so much more to have all your friends and family do the same for you too.

The ceremony went with out a hitch, I walked on air into that garden. Our daughter held onto her posy and didn’t chuck it away. [Later I noticed her eating it] Our children sat beside each other in front of us. Perfect, our son lent in and kissed our daughter several times. She played with her dressed sprawled around her. They were perfect, nothing rehearsed all behaving just as they should. Our son presented the rings on cue. The celebrant made the only mistake and asked me to make the groom my wife as I wed him with the ring. We all laughed. I thought it was perfect that it was him messing up and not us.

After 19 years does getting married actually change anything? Yes, with a doubt. That public declaration of love to one another is powerful. It gives you confidence. Everyone you care about has seen it, that makes it valuable, real, and tangible. It makes what you feel, something people have seen. The act of getting married is a declaration of love, open public and out there. Your witnesses make it more real, than what you just feel. You then gain a husband, someone bound to you rather than just hanging around you. You’re together on the path, rather than just being on paths next to one another. Now we have our marriage to consider. The bond we have, the promises we have to keep. It turned out that we gave the gift of marriage to one another that birthday and it was absolutely awesome.


Best present ever.