Dear Mum,
It has been a year since you passed away. 365 days without being able to ring you up and find out about how you are feeling. 365 days of not being able to tell you about how B and Little Miss are going. A year without your common sense approach and advice. Your dinner ideas. Sharing in your delight at shopping finds, getting your daylight saving reminder, you noticing changes in the garden, buying you a birthday present, advice on movies to see, TV programs to watch and even the next seasons colours.
I miss you. Dad misses you, the kids miss you, we all miss you. Our family has a big hole in it without you. We miss how you organised us. When we were all together you would be planning the next event for us to come together. I didn't realise you did that till now. Like you were the glue holding and keeping us near. Without you that doesn't happen anymore.
I've wanted to tell you about the new house. Show you the plans for the pool, get your advice on the garden. Share with you my delights and disappointments.
I've needed to talk to you about B and Little Miss so many times. You used to help me put everything in perspective. I miss your advice. I really miss your interest and love for them. Little Miss said to me the other day. "I miss Grandma, she used to always comb my hair." And you did, but now you can't.
I couldn't invite you to Grandparent's day at B's school or buy a ticket for you to see Little Miss's ballet concert. She looked so beautiful Mum. At small or significant events I am reminded of the hole you have left behind. The void that takes the place of you.
But I like to think you are here anyway. Somehow seeing everything. I have to think that. It brings me some comfort to think that we are not just human beings who have spiritual experiences but we are spiritual beings who have a human experience. So I talk to your spirit and think of your spirit. But gee I still miss the human you so much.
It's been a year of trying to get used to you not being here. I haven't got used to it, I don't like it, but I am trying my best. That's what you always told me to do. "Just try your best, no one can ask any more than that." So that's what I am doing.
I love you so much.
Your daughter.
x
4 comments:
I am so frightened of throwing stuff out now that she is not here anymore. Where is the Christmas Pudding recipe? I can't find it. Nor the one for mustard pickles that we stopped making years ago because of it's negative effect on global warming. And just what can I do with all these china pots that have lost their lids or a thousand and one other things that made home, home? They are nothing without your Mum, but at least I can touch them as she touched them.
A very moving letter to your beloved Mum. I know there is a big hole in your heart dear friend, it is so sad to say goodbye to someone we love with all our being.
I believe we are spiritual beings who have a human experience....so let her spirit comfort and sustain you and rejoice in the memories for every minute you had together gave you quality of life.....what a gift.
I love the photo you included with this post.....I have two cockatoos on my blog header too.
Take care and I'm sending you mountains of love and light to help ease your pain.
Peggy xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What a lovely tribue to your Mum and your father's response made me cry.
I believe she is still with you all, hopefully she'll help your Dad find those recipes!
I would love you to write more about your Mum sometime CF.
Your Mum sounds like a truly amazing woman, and she must be so very proud of you and your family.
It made me realize how important it is to be a good Mum to my own children, so that they might one day want to write about how much they loved having me as part of their lives.
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