Operation

My precious B,

You have battled with multiple ear infections, sleep apnoea, caused by kissing tonsils and hearing loss. So we finally took the specialist’s advice and agreed to have your adenoids and tonsils taken out, plus grommets put in. This was a hard and harrowing decision. It took us years.

It is now day 4 after the operation.

I have cried with you and your pain. I have felt enormous guilt over what we have done to you. I wanted to be sick when I left you in the operating theatre. Your fingers had to be pulled away from mine. Leaving you alone, your life in the hands of strangers, my child, vulnerable and unconscious. I felt empty and at a loss. My heart has been broken by your silent suffering. You won’t eat, won’t drink and fight the medications. You are silent with pain.

However I have also felt relieved for your future. You can hear me know, your sleep is deep. You have made me astounded by your bravery, proud of your strength.  I have loved saying yes to you, giving you ice-cream for breakfast and jelly whenever you want it. To indulge you has become my relief.

In days you will be back to your normal tricks. And I can’t wait. This journey with you has shown me a remarkable side to you, it only makes me love you more.

Always my little man

Love Mummy xxx

Image is a self portrait by B.