The last words I heard from B last night were, "I'm hungry."
The first words I was woken with this morning from Little Miss were, "Mum can you make me my raisin toast now?"
With a couple of weeks to go before the new year of school starts I have to say I am really craving some child free space.
I would like to have two hours without being asked to do something, like preparing food or finding some small important piece of something or other.
I would like a couple of hours without hearing the word, Mum.
I would like to have a shower without Little Miss coming in the bathroom with her latest drama.
I would like to sit down and read a magazine from cover to cover.
I would love to drink a cup of tea complete, without it going cold.
Heck I would even settle for some time in the toilet alone.
It was really wonderful to have my husband home with us for two weeks over Christmas. It was lovely to see so much of him, but it was also good for him to see so much of the kids. Thankfully he noticed how full on they are, how its non stop noise, action and peace keeping until they are tucked up in bed.
We reminisced about how simple and easy life was when we were alone, when all we had to worry about were ourselves. But then Little Miss overheard us, and got very upset, she asked, "Were was I?" and we replied that, "You didn't exist then" then quick added, "You existed in our thoughts."
It's hard relentless work being a parent, everyday, every second for the rest of your life. Right now I would love to travel back in time for just an hour or two to live the life I had as a non-parent. Yes I'm having a hard parenting time right now. I confess I have been to Ikea twice in the last 10 days so the kids could have fun in the ball room, and I could have an hour alone.
I know that what I really need is some balance. When I have a bit more time for myself I am a much better parent. So bring on the new school/kindy year and the lunch box routine. I am ready and waiting.
5 comments:
Boy do I hear you on this one! Good on you for being so honest, all mums feel this way at times but not all of us are brave enough to admit it.
I have read this couple of times now. As frustrating as these times are now for you now they are in fact the basis for beautiful memories that will last you a lifetime. You will weep with exasperation in later years that you and your children are not young anymore. You will want to hug their little bodies to yours but you can do that with your future grandchildren and bask in their love without them bursting into the bathroom as you wrap the towel around you demanding attention. Never ever regret your children's reliance on you, it is all too soon gone.
I love your honesty CF!!
You are human my friend and humans aren't perfect. We have all sorts of emotions running through our brains/bodies, it can be very confusing at times.
Joseph's mother is experiencing exactly the same thoughts as you are, I am sure many thousands of other mothers are too.
You have written your thoughts so well in this post CF. Read this post every day my friend, it will shed much light on your situtation.
"When you don’t know what to do, get still. The answer will come."
~~ Oprah Winfrey
Namaste and big hugs.
Peggy
With Little Man, I find myself spending so much time looking forward, thinking things will be easier once he can walk and talk, that I forget to enjoy the little him now. I have to stop and remind myself he won't fit in my lap forever.
CF, You are NOT alone!!! Being a mother is definitely the most demanding job in the world. As much as I love my children, I know that I need time by myself to recharge. I like to think of it like what they say on the airplane, "in case of emergency put the air mask on your face and then your children." So I try to think take care of myself so that I can be a better mommy. I find that I have such a hard time recognizing that I need time for me until it's too late and I've yelled or "lost it". Maybe we need to put "me time" on our to do lists?
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